Biblelicious

Genesis Chapter 21

So I’m just going to get it out on the table, right here, up front. Sarah is kind of a bitch.

Actually, come to think of it, not even kind of, she’s totally a bitch.

Gen 21:1-13

The LORD took note of Sarah as he had said he would; he did for her as he had promised.

Sarah became pregnant and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time that God had stated.

Abraham gave the name Isaac to this son of his whom Sarah bore him.

When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him, as God had commanded.

Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him.

Sarah then said, “God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear of it will laugh with me.

Who would have told Abraham,” she added, “that Sarah would nurse children! Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.”

Isaac grew, and on the day of the child’s weaning, Abraham held a great feast.

Sarah noticed the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham playing with her son Isaac; so she demanded of Abraham: “Drive out that slave and her son! No son of that slave is going to share the inheritance with my son Isaac!”

Abraham was greatly distressed, especially on account of his son Ishmael.

But God said to Abraham: “Do not be distressed about the boy or about your slave woman. Heed the demands of Sarah, no matter what she is asking of you; for it is through Isaac that descendants shall bear your name.

As for the son of the slave woman, I will make a great nation of him also, since he too is your offspring.”

Now, a little refresher, because it’s been a while.

Sarah and Abraham want a child and God promises them one, but it doesn’t seem very likely He’s gonna make good, seeing that Sarah’s like 90 years old. So, she takes matters into her own hands, and tells Abraham to go sleep with her slave girl, Hagar.

He says, “Whatever you say, dear.” And, tout de suite, Hagar’s got a bouncing baby boy that God told her to name Ishmael. Sarah gets jealous, and sends Hagar and Ishmael off into the desert.

God says, “Whoa Nellie! You get on back to the house of Abraham, suck it up and take whatever abuse Sarah can dish out.”

So, they go back and Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and Ishmael all live happily together. Kind of like the Brady Bunch, only if Greg’s mom was really Alice and not some woman that maybe died, or maybe never existed because they never, ever, ever talked about her.

Oh, and if Carol was a total bitch.

Ok, not so much like the Brady Bunch, maybe more like The Handmaid’s Tale.

Did you know that Carol and Greg were totally doing it for most of the run of the show?

But that’s neither here nor there.

Finally, in Chapter 21, God’s gotten around to getting Sarah pregnant.

Enter Isaac.

Exit Ishmael.

Yet again, Sarah is a jealous bitch, this time over Ishmael teasing his half-brother Isaac. I really, really want Abraham to strap on a pair and say, “You made this mess, now you go fuckin’ clean it up!” But he doesn’t. God tells him “Just let them go, little buddy. I’ll look after ‘em.”

Hagar and Ishmael wander off into the desert. Isaac becomes heir to the Israelite nation.

My oh my, there’s a bushel of stuff going on here, folks.

You got your literal, imperfect humans dealing with an imperfect situation, trying to please an imperfect and immature God. There’s no good here. There’s no living happily ever after when you’ve told your husband to go get nasty with nubile young slave girl, and he does, and you are a weathered leathery 90 year old.

What did she think would happen?

Of course he liked it, of course it was good, and of course he loves that kid.

Of course she’s jealous, of course she’s bitter, of course she resents that kid. No amount of Dr. Phil face-time will cure what ails this famly.

Although, it sure would make for some juicy reality TV.

Then you’ve got your metaphorical. Creationist boy actually had some interesting insight into this one. Ishmael is the outcome of human actions, while Isaac is the outcome of divine ones. Ishmael is the embodiment of faithlessness while Isaac signifies absolute faith. It’s interesting to look at Sarah through these two lenses. No wonder she wants to get rid of Ishmael, he’s the living embodiment of disloyalty to her God and the God of her husband, the God of her people. Isaac is the fruit of her faith. Which would you rather have around?

Finally, you’ve got your cultural. Many of you Judao-Christians out there might not know this, I didn’t, but Jews, Christians, and Muslims all trace the ancestry of their religion back to Abraham. Jews and Christians follow the line through Isaac on up to Papa Abe. Muslims go the way of Ishmael. We’ll get to this a little more next time, but from what I could tell by randomly googling “Isaac and Ishmael”, the question of who is actually Abraham’s true and only son is quite the bone of contention between Muslim and Jewish scholars.

Holy Smokes! We’ve got a lot of work to do if we are going to heal this rift. It’s been there from the beginning, written right into the fabric of what we believe. And, we’ve only made it worse in the couple millennia since. Can you say Crusades? And more recently, propping up the state of Israel at the expense of the life and liberty of the Palestinians? I know, I know, the Palestinians aren’t blameless either.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. Somehow I think we might run across this again.